Attachment Style and Faithfulness- Counselling Central

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Can we tell how likely someone is to have an affair based on their particular attachment style? Research carried out by the University of Montreal suggests that we can.

The Research: The research discovered that the probability of someone having an affair during the lifetime of a relationship varies between 40% and 76%. Isn’t this a staggeringly high figure? According to the researchers “These numbers indicate that even if we get married with the best of intentions, things don’t always turn out the way we plan. What interests us about infidelity is why people are willing to conduct themselves in ways that could be very damaging to them and to their relationship.” So, what else did they look at?

The study then looked at correlations between attachment style and the likelihood of infidelity. The researchers used evidence from previous studies which found “The emotional attachment we have with others is modelled on the type of parenting received during childhood.”

The first study was conducted on 145 students with an average age of 23. 68% had thought about cheating and 41% actually had. The majority of the 41% were found to have an avoidant-dismissive attachment style. Furthermore, in the second study, conducted on 270 adults with an average age of 27, 54% had thought about cheating and 39% actually had. The correlation was the same, the majority of the 39% were also found to have an avoidant-dismissive attachment style.

Also, the researchers concluded that “infidelity could be a regulatory emotional strategy used by people with an avoidant-dismissive attachment style. The act of cheating helps them avoid commitment phobia, distances them from their partner, and helps them keep their space and freedom.” There are just as many men as women with this attachment style, dispelling any myth that infidelity is prevalent in men.

Avoidant-Dismissive Attachment Style

So, what causes an avoidant-dismissive attachment style? When infants and very young children (6 months to 3 years approximately) have a loving primary caregiver who consistently responds to their needs, they develop a secure attachment style.

Furthermore, this bond allows the child to develop trust and build relationships. Severely confusing, frightening, inconsistent and emotionally isolating experiences during the same stage of childhood may disrupt this bond. Also, characteristics include a strong sense of independence and problems with intimacy and commitment.

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Disclaimer:

I am not a doctor so this guide should not be considered a replacement for seeking medical advice. It is also not a substitute for obtaining therapy as other factors, such as trauma, need to be considered.

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