From Wire Mothers to Zoom Calls: What the Harry Harlow Monkeys Teach Us About Emotional Intelligence in Remote Work

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💔 Harlow’s Monkeys & The Loneliness of Remote Work: A Surprising Connection

In the 1950s, psychologist Harry Harlow conducted a series of groundbreaking experiments that shook the foundations of behavioural science. Baby monkeys, separated from their mothers, were given two surrogate options: a wire mother that provided food, and a soft cloth mother that offered comfort—but no nourishment.

The results were startling. The monkeys clung to the cloth mother, choosing emotional warmth over physical sustenance, only going to the wire monkey to feed. The work of Harry Harlow revealed a profound truth: emotional connection is not a luxury—it’s a biological need.

Fast forward to today’s remote work culture, and Harlow’s findings feel eerily relevant.

💻 Remote Work: Convenience Meets Emotional Distance

Remote work offers flexibility, autonomy, and freedom. But it also introduces a subtle, creeping isolation. Without hallway chats, shared lunches, or spontaneous laughter, relationships can become transactional. Slack messages replace smiles. Zoom calls replace eye contact. And slowly, the emotional glue that binds teams begins to dissolve.

Just like Harlow’s monkeys, we crave connection—even if we don’t always realize it.

🧠 Emotional Intelligence: The Antidote to Remote Disconnection

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions—both your own and others’. In remote environments, EQ becomes not just helpful, but essential.

Here’s how emotionally intelligent leaders and teammates can foster connection from afar:

👂 Active Listening: Don’t just hear—listen. Ask follow-ups. Show curiosity.
💬 Empathetic Communication: Validate feelings. Acknowledge stress. Celebrate wins.
📅 Intentional Check-ins: Schedule time for non-work conversations. Make space for humanity.
🎯 Clarity & Transparency: Uncertainty breeds anxiety. Clear expectations build trust.
🌱 Psychological Safety: Create environments where people feel safe to speak, share, and be vulnerable.

🔄 From Isolation to Intimacy: Building Remote Relationships That Thrive

The truth is, emotional intelligence isn’t about being “nice.” It’s about being aware. It’s about recognizing that behind every screen is a human being with hopes, fears, and a need to belong.

Harlow’s monkeys didn’t choose comfort because they were weak. They chose it because they were wired for connection. So are we.

🌟 Final Thoughts: Connection Is a Choice

Remote work doesn’t have to mean emotional distance. With intention, empathy, and emotional intelligence, we can build relationships that are not only productive—but deeply human.

Because in the end, it’s not just about getting the job done. It’s about how we make each other feel while we do it.

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Steven Lucas MBACP PNCPS (Accred) is a professional counselling psychotherapist working in Northamptonshire. Read Full Bio.

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Disclaimer:

I am not a doctor so this guide should not be considered a replacement for seeking medical advice. It is also not a substitute for obtaining therapy as other factors, such as trauma, need to be considered.

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