How to Process Unjustified Verbal Attacks with Strength and Grace

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We’ve all faced moments where someone’s words cut deep—especially when those words are unwarranted and unprovoked. Verbal attacks, when there’s no justification behind them, can feel disorienting, infuriating, and heartbreaking. But as painful as they are, these encounters often reflect more about the attacker than they do about us.

🌪 The Initial Shock: Why Verbal Attacks Hurts So Much

So, one moment you’re going about your day, and the next—you’re on the receiving end of someone else’s storm. You might freeze, fight back, or walk away confused. Emotional responses kick in quickly because words are powerful. They stir the same neural responses as physical pain.

Unjust attacks feel personal, even when they aren’t. Because your mind instinctively searches for “why,” trying to reconcile the hurt with some logical explanation. When there is none, it’s easy to spiral.

🛡 Recognising the Truth Behind the Words

After unjustified verbal attacks, transitioning from reaction to reflection is key. More often than not, people lash out from their own unresolved pain. Their attack is a mirror of their emotional chaos—not a measure of your worth.

So ask yourself:

Is this really about me?
What would make someone say something so cruel out of nowhere?

Empathy doesn’t mean accepting the behaviour. It means understanding what to reject and what to internalize—and in this case, it’s not the blame.

But, why do some people lash out at others verbally? While they’re never justified, understanding the root causes can help you respond with clarity rather than confusion. Here’s a breakdown of common reasons someone might lash out verbally:

🔥 Emotional Triggers

Frustration or stress: When someone feels overwhelmed, they may release tension through aggression.
Fear or insecurity: Attacking others can be a defense mechanism to mask their own vulnerabilities.
Jealousy or envy: Seeing others succeed or feel confident may provoke resentment.

🧠 Psychological Factors

Unresolved trauma: Past abuse or neglect can lead to learned patterns of aggression.
Mental health issues: Conditions like narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder may contribute to verbal aggression.
Low self-esteem: Putting others down can be a misguided attempt to feel superior.

🧒 Learned Behaviour

Social modeling: People often mimic behaviors they witnessed growing up—especially if verbal aggression was normalized in their family or culture.
Power dynamics: Some use verbal attacks to dominate or control others, especially in relationships or workplaces.

🧨 Situational Factors

Substance abuse: Alcohol or drugs can lower inhibitions and increase aggression.
Conflict avoidance: Instead of healthy communication, some resort to verbal attacks to shut down uncomfortable conversations.
Lack of emotional regulation: Difficulty managing emotions can lead to impulsive outbursts.

Understanding these causes doesn’t excuse the behaviour—but it can help you protect your peace and respond with empathy or boundaries.

🌿 Reclaiming Your Peace from Verbal Attacks

Instead of dwelling in confusion after a verbal attack, try these emotional grounding practices:

Breathe intentionally. Regulate the stress response by slowing your breath.
Name your emotions. Identifying what you feel gives you power over it.
Journal the event. Writing it out helps you release the narrative from your mind.
Seek validation. Talk to someone you trust. Not for pity—but for clarity and calm.

Through these steps, you create space between yourself and the verbal attack. You stop absorbing it like truth and begin treating it like the noise it is. Other strategies include:

🧘‍♀️ Practice Mindful Detachment

Imagine the words like arrows bouncing off a shield around you.
Remind yourself: “This is about them, not me.”
Use mantras like “I release what isn’t mine” to emotionally disengage.

📱 Digital Decompression

If the attack happened online, resist the urge to reply immediately.
Mute, block, or unfollow accounts that provoke emotional stress.
Step away from devices and reconnect with the present moment.

🎨 Creative Expression

Turn the incident into art—write a poem, paint your emotions, or record a voice memo of your thoughts.
Creativity channels emotions into something empowering and freeing.

💬 Reframing the Narrative

Ask yourself, “What would I tell a friend if they experienced this?”
Shift the perspective from pain to wisdom: “This taught me what I won’t tolerate.”

👥 Connect with Safe People

Talk it out with someone who sees and affirms you.
You’re not seeking permission to feel upset—you’re seeking truth and safety.

🔥 Use Movement to Release

Physical activity like dancing, walking, or boxing can help release built-up tension.
Your body stores emotions—move to let them go.

📚 Affirm Yourself with Resources

Read empowering books, listen to uplifting podcasts, or follow voices that reinforce your self-worth.
Fill your environment with reminders of your strength and clarity.

Verbal attacks may sting in the moment—but with the right mindset, they become stepping stones to deeper self-awareness and emotional growth.

💪 Rising, Not Reacting

Lastly, choose your response from a place of strength, not defensiveness. Sometimes silence is the strongest statement. Other times, a respectful boundary sets a lasting tone.

Either way, don’t let someone’s reckless words define your story.

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Steven Lucas MBACP PNCPS (Accred) is a professional counselling psychotherapist working in Northamptonshire. Read Full Bio.

On a Personal Note:

This blog is more than words—it’s my way of creating a life of meaning, purpose, and support for the people I love most: my family.

After years of navigating life’s emotional highs and lows, I realised that what people crave isn’t just information—they want belonging, encouragement, and heart. That’s what I set out to share here.

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Disclaimer:

I am not a doctor so this guide should not be considered a replacement for seeking medical advice. It is also not a substitute for obtaining therapy as other factors, such as trauma, need to be considered.

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